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“‪If you’re not the most sinful person you know, you don’t know yourself very well. ‬”

– Jeff Warren

I’ll find any reason to reference Tom Waits, Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductee, voice polished with bourbon and broken glass. Few can turn a phrase like him, and he’s worth an hour on YouTube watching his interviews with David Letterman, or this classic performance on Jimmy Fallon of “Raised Right Men.” The studio audience can barely contain themselves.

The title of his 2011 album Bad as Me speaks to a question for all of us: are you as bad as me? Or am I as bad as you? The question vexed me to the point of writing a book on the subject. Spoiler alert, “Are you a good person? Well, I’m generally alright, I’m no saint… but I’m not Hitler.”

The quote above from pastor Jeff Warren struck a chord, it draws an uncomfortable but verified sigh: I AM the most sinful person I know. Guess what? So are you. Whuh? Yes, that’s Warren’s theologically accurate assessment, each of us are not as peachy as we think. The Biblical fact is masked by hubris and delusion. Double whuh!? He’s not an outlier with his statement, any pastor worth his or her salt will say the same if they understand the concept of grace.

The brass tacks reality is this. When we look at ourselves, we grade on a curve, and it’s a curve of the most biased, #blinded-by-pride-delusion-I’ve-smoked-all-the-weed looking glass we can conceive. Most folks play a little game called “I’m a good person.” It’s a clever little parlor trick where we devise a short list of ambiguous statements about doing our best, living by the golden rule, and more or less not killing anyone. Granted the latter statement isn’t ambiguous, but it’s also a low bar for measure. We like to compare our general goodness to pretty much the most egregious act a person can commit.

Which is where the concept of grace enters the equation. You may find variations on the spiritual definition, but in simplistic terms it means “undeserved favor.” In other words, God provided a free and unmerited gift in the form of His Son, Jesus Christ. Through Him, we have salvation from sins, and the bestowing of blessings. All of it free to us, with no way to earn this special gift. We only say thank you.

If you were like me, I had heard about Jesus dying for me plenty of times as a child and adult, but didn’t fully grasp the depth and weight of the idea. As an adult, the words sin and sinner sounded all kooky and churchy, and I didn’t have any interest in the notion. First and foremost I thought I was a pretty good dude, and not in need of salvation or forgiveness. What I failed to do was take a hard look at some of my faults of character, things like jealousy, apathy, passive-aggressiveness, lust, and general brutish behavior. The tough reality was, in a 24-hr period, I spent a good 16 hrs of those entirely focused on moi. Of course it was masked in ambition, action items and big-ass goals. The bigger conundrum was did I then or now have the heavenly authority to forgive myself at a level that balances the cosmic scales.

This is where grace is an unadulterated magic, the cure to all things narcissistic. When a person accepts the grace of Jesus Christ ― think of it as saying yes to free steak, lobster and Bordeaux lunches everyday for the rest of your life ― this strange elixir makes us gravely aware of our faults. But instead of sending us into a deep depression, grace opens our eyes to the realization that all our character deficiencies, all those mistakes, all the oopsies we shouldn’t have said to our spouse, kids, co-workers or dog, have been erased by what transpired on that cross on Golgotha. For damn sure… It. Is. Spectacular to comprehend.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Come on, I’m not that bad.” My bet is you’re a tad disingenuous in your evaluation, and possibly cherry-picking a list that works for you. Let me phrase it the way I do in my book, how do you compare to Mother Teresa? Or a 911 first responder? How about an ER doctor? If God measures people based on a moral meritocracy, that could get damn messy for those non-heroic types like me. Hell, yesterday at church I got sideways with a dear friend. The episode reminded me for the umpteenth time of my own depravity (a euphemism for being a dick). Here are two encapsulating verses for the entirety of the Bible. If you don’t feel the need to dissect and process the timeless document, try camping on this nugget from Romans 3:23-24,

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

What the verses are saying is, we ain’t all that, we screw up a lot, and we need help from an authority bigger than us. I know for certain I don’t control the gateway between this life and the next, therefore I need some assistance for an event that is inevitable. Are there days where I’m a decent guy? Sure, but if I’m honest regarding my foibles, I recognize a consistent timeline of mediocrity, with plenty of bad in the mix. Sure-sure, no murder or child abuse, but enough petulance to warrant a need for amazing grace.

See ya next time. ML

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