“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting
for the rat to die.”
― Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith
There may be no better barometer of soul stability than rush-hour traffic. On Wednesday I was driving to an early morning Bible study while navigating 75-Central. Spoiler alert, waving a middle finger or muttering “What is this jackass doing?” are sure signs that civil unrest rules your heart.
Upon arrival with my group, gentle greetings followed by prayer completely settled me, and changed my mood from foul to to upbeat. Which got me thinking about anger, resentment and grudges. Not that I struggle, just asking for a friend. Hey now, three birds just landed on my 18-inch nose… “Is this thing on? Tough crowd. Pinocchio will be here till Tuesday.”
It seems the human condition consists of grudges. We sure like to hold ’em. When I check my anxiety levels and do a deep-dive of the triggers, there’s often a feeling of “I’ve been wronged,” which at its core is an unruly need to feel in charge and be right, like always. The simmering rage is usually over the most ticky-tack of stuff, maybe a guy at the gym not saying “pardon me” when accidentally bumping shoulders. Thankfully there are other freaks I can point to as having much bigger issues than me (he says dripping with sarcasm). I read an article in Medium about a guy who kept a list of people who had wronged him, and even had a scoring system. I’d like to think I’m above that, but the only difference is I’m not keeping a tactile ledger. Mine are upstairs in the noggin, and I’ve caught myself rehearsing the zippy comebacks to crush my opponent. Sort of like De Niro in Taxi Driver, but of course, much more Mensa-esque and passive-aggressive like. There’s little argument that holding grudges are not woefully toxic to our system. My body displays tangible evidence of holding the grudge. There’s fatigue, irritation, lack of focus. Compare the difference between letting loose with one of those witty barbs, versus when you ask forgiveness. In the former, a sense of guilt occurs, particularly when you can see the hurt in someone’s eyes. With the latter, a wave of relief washes over, like an angelic validation from the heavens. The fact is angels may be applauding (1 Peter 1:12).
The brilliance of scripture is that it speaks to all our foibles, with these verses specific to how our grudges when voiced, are caustic. There are plenty of others, which speaks to the reality that God is trying to protect us from ourselves. James 3:6 is a brutal indictment! Do a word study in scripture on “tongue.” The imagery is vivid, and positions the muscular organ as a thing capable of poetic beauty, or if not contained, a weapon of extreme violence.
James 3:6
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
Psalm 34:13
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.
Psalm 52:2
Your tongue plots destruction, like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit.
Psalm 141:3
Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
Forgiveness — a more powerful lever than anger, resentment and grudges combined — is at the heart of Christianity. Often we get lost in the weeds thinking the Bible is a rule-book designed to kill our buzz. Quite the opposite. That feeling of relief and healthy satisfaction from offering or asking for forgiveness is another sign of how God has wired us. We, like Christ can forgive others, we can also forgive ourselves. Of course not at His level, but when bringing His grace into the mix, the outcomes are revelatory. Colossians 3:13 pretty much says it all:
Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Verses like that pack a wallop. They force us to process deep theology, “Who is this man who claims to forgive all sins? How does that work in the grand scheme?” More important, what does that look like for me with friends, family, co-workers, and the folks driving next to me on the highway? Lord, take away all grudges, help me forgive as you forgive a couple billions times a day.
See ya next time. ML