“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Twenty years ago I went on a journey, a five-day fast in the New Mexico desert, with my only sustenance a bag of peyote to expand my mind to an altered dimension. On day two at 3am, the Shaman above appeared from behind — I kid you not — a glowing boulder. At first I thought it was a hallucinatory dream. When he spoke, I entered into a trance-like fog, where in a whispery chant, he told me he was the incarnation of Jesus Christ. And voilà, in the mystical hills of Santa Fe, I transformed into a Jesus zombie.
If only that were true. Actually, I just dig the stock photography pic of the fella in a guru sorta way.
Before I became a Christ follower/Believer, pick your word, I thought the whole religion thing was some fanatical crutch for weak people. Come on, burning bushes, seas parting, a dude living in a whale? If the religious folk I met were hardcore about it, I thought they were narrow-minded zealots. Or, if they were all smiley and sugary, I figured maybe they had smoked some weed to induce their fantasy for the make-believe. As mentioned in my book, I vividly recall thinking “I want nothing to do with that nonsense. Fer freak’s sake, they listen to Amy Grant, wear dopey clothes, and hate gay people. What a bunch of morons!” My ignorance had nothing to do with who Christ is, and what He desires for us. I figured it was all man-made baloney.
Then on Friday, October 22nd, 1999, around 8pm, everything changed. I was sitting in my car with a gal I had dated, and we were discussing whether we should rethink our status. There wasn’t any hanky-panky, no kissing, no big bawling emotions. Only a conversation. I said, “Kelly, I’m wondering if we made a mistake, maybe we should go out again.” My right hand was on the middle console, she laid her left hand on mine and said nonchalantly, “Don’t worry, it’s going to be alright.” For real this time — I kid you not — I had a feeling similar to your funny bone being zing’d. We finished our conversation, a quick hug, she went to her car, and I headed home. I still remember how crystal clear the night felt as I drove down Swiss Avenue towards my Deep Ellum hood. I had this strange sense of peace and warmth. I remember thinking “Am I in love with her? No, this is different, has nothing to do with her.”
For the next 2-3 days, the author C.S. Lewis was on my mind. The way I describe it is similar to how you have a craving for pizza or sushi, he kept popping up in my head throughout the day. I remember thinking, “He was that atheist dude who became a Christian… I think?” Not having a clue how the Holy Spirit provides those intuitions, I reached out to a good friend, David, a born-again Jesus freak, and asked if he knew anything about Lewis. He did, and sent me Mere Christianity, Lewis’s landmark apologetic discourse. To say it leveled me like a hand grenade doesn’t do it justice. As I read it over the next month, the words leapt off the page and pummeled me. I remember saying outloud through tears of undeniable joy, “Oh. My. God. This Christian shit is real!” This wasn’t a flight of fancy. That was ground zero, and twenty years later, I lead multiple Bible studies, have been on 18 mission trips, and spend each and every day with that Christ dude on the forefront of damn near every thought. I’ve met Africans, Indians, Salvadorians and Haitians with stories that mirror mine: they encountered Christ, and got taken to their knees.
Yep, if I were you, I’d say the same thing I used to say to my my Jesus freak friends, “Good for you pal, but I’m not interested.” Ah, but this is where it gets good. HE’S INTERESTED IN YOU. What do most of us want? Nope, not fame, money, sex and vacations. Yes, those things are damn nice, amen. But deep down, in those places in our hearts that scare us, we want relief. We want peace, comfort and rest; the deep sigh of knowing things will be ok. We want respite from the anxiety, worry, and disappointment of life, or the low-level anger of dreams that didn’t pan out. The grace of Jesus Christ offers those things, plus forgiveness of all past, present and future mistakes. If what He claims is true in Matthew 11:28-30,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
If that’s real, if He is an elixir that can keep you from drowning when life kicks — and it WILL kick — then why not give it a shot? Keep the Netflix, keep hard-charging on the career, stick with the meditation, crush it in CrossFit; but add a big dose of Christ too. Challenge God to reveal Himself to you. Here’s the prayer at the end of my book, say something similar for a couple of weeks every day, and keep your radar up for unusual signals and intuitions.
“God, if you’re real, I want to know you. I’m not sure what I believe about you or heaven, or the idea that I’m not good enough for entrance. Show me the path. If this guy Jesus is relevant, if He’s real, if He can help me and make my life better, I’m all ears. Right now I think it’s all horseshit, but I want to know truth. Show me the way. I’ve heard the word ‘grace’ before, but it means nothing to me now. Help me understand. Amen.”
As I said in Why I Believe (part 2) of this series, I encourage you to move past the fact that the Bible was written by people. Please hear me, I’m not saying dismiss the reality, I’m challenging you to ask tougher questions. For example, today I went to lunch with an attorney friend who’s interested in learning more about Christ. I told her to read the four Gospels, and to keep in mind that the reason there are four is they give multiple accounts of Christ for different audiences and purposes. Matthew is for a Jewish audience, focusing on Christ as the ultimate rabbi. Mark is succinct and Hemingway-esque, and focuses on God’s immediacy via miracles. Luke was a physician and writes with more detail, and as the only non-Jewish Gospel writer, targets a gentile audience. John helps explain the character and love of Christ. Even with her big ol’ brain, she wasn’t aware of that short list of differences in those four books. I encouraged her to focus on the red words, as that’s Christ speaking. I ask the same of anyone reading this who doesn’t fully understand why this guy is so special. You don’t have to be open-minded, you can walk in the door calling bullshit on the whole thing. If Christ and scripture can’t withstand all your questions and doubts, it’s a house of cards anyway, right?
Regarding the context of the Bible, keep in mind it’s not written as a documented history of the world, with explanations of physics, dinosaurs, and the rings of Jupiter. You don’t have to separate science and faith, but do know it’s not a scientific book. It’s a record of how God has chased mankind through the centuries, and how He desperately wants a relationship with every single one of us. In other words, it’s an extended love letter showing the extravagant methods God initiated to fix a broken relationship.
Yes, compare the major religions, start with the Abrahamic faiths of Judaism, Islam and Christianity. Go eastern with Buddhism and Hinduism. Are they all the same? Can five contradictory doctrines all be true?
Please do compare atheist books The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything by Christopher Hitchens, and The End of Faith by Sam Harris. The authors are adamant in their positions that they’ve disproved Christ and the Bible, and that belief in God has hurt mankind. Their thesis is this: you and I are a cosmic accident. You have 30 to 90 years give or take, then become dust, there is no anything after death. You don’t RIP, you simply end and become nothingness. If that’s true, you better get your shit together fast, because the clock is ticking, and “nothing” is coming your way. If you were urgent before, you better giddy-up, because you only have maybe 15-20 yrs of prime living before physical decline begins. If you want to bet on an atheist doctrine, don’t pray, don’t cry out for something larger in your soul to provide solace, MAKE THAT BUCKET LIST HAPPEN… tick-tock-tick-tock. Figure out life on your own because it’s all us, baby, and no second act, no heaven. This is as good as it gets, and scene.
If you prefer being “spiritual and not religious,” and you don’t need Christ’s love and forgiveness; make sure you’ve passed the test for being good enough for heavenly entrance. I don’t know of any test, but I hear non-Jesus folks say they’ve been good people, so I assume they know the cut-off point between the good people and the bad people. I assume there’s some sort of accurate measure they’re aware of, that I’ve never been able to locate. In other words, I’m not sure trying to do my best to live by the golden rule, is how God operates. I suggest you ask Him since He seems to be top of the totem-pole. Keep in mind, if you kick Christ to the curb, your “spiritual” belief has to withstand the same rigorous questions we throw at the Bible. In other words, is it authoritative, will we wear necklaces in your honor, and will your thesis be discussed centuries from now?
This is where I get practical in my book. As an artist, the canvas doesn’t have dominion over me, the creator. I choose the paint, colors, composition, and the overall meaning of the piece. The canvas can only receive what I choose to give it. The canvas has no agency, I’m the creator. Or, at a company, there’s a CEO. He or she has final authority of the organization, we can only follow the rules of the person, team or Board who created the entity. Yes, we can quit a job, but that doesn’t give us authority over that boss or the next. The challenge when taking God out of the picture, is the age-old conundrum of how can one person or a thousand people know who is the most right when discerning truth. We know from our democracy that individuals and groups can never agree. This leads to another interesting data point. When a person has “connected” with God, or surrendered to God, the question of authority is clear-cut, there’s no discussion. It’s like questioning whether air exists. Of course God knows best. God created everything in the universe, it doesn’t follow logic that the Creator of all things would then reduce Himself or Itself to a smaller position of dominion underneath “things” which He gave birth.
Here’s the piece that sounds all woo-woo. The words “born-again” have been bastardized in our culture, the same with saying Jesus died for your sins. What does that even mean? Hell, I struggle with that and I’m full-on crazy about the dude. We Believers often mention “heart change,” and it’s difficult to articulate. The best I can say is your vision changes from astigmatism, to like 3D steroid super goggles. Your life expands exponentially in terms of depth, hope, inspiration, and understanding of pain. Don’t get me wrong, believing in Christ doesn’t ensure a white picket fence and no more struggle. Far from it, the challenges remain, but with a new temperament and purpose to help navigate the ups and downs. For years after my conversion, I had a feeling of “fullness,” that’s the best way I can explain. It was like a hole I didn’t know existed, became exquisitely paved. As I write the words now, I can feel the weight of the fullness. It’s a recognition of something infinitely larger than me that now permeates my thoughts and feelings. Yes, it IS magic, it IS supernatural, and He IS miraculous. When the connection happens, you’ll know it, same as you know you have air in your lungs.
Please reach out with questions. I’d love to continue the conversation.
See ya next time. ML