“That’s why crazy people are so dangerous. You think they’re nice
until they’re chaining you up in the garage.”
― Michael Buckley, The Fairy-Tale Detectives
I love to read. I also hate that I love to read. Why? Because I come across articles that send me into a spiral of worrying that I’ve lost my four remaining marbles.
In the Aeon article “Spot the Psychopath,” Heidi Maibom, professor of philosophy at the University of Cincinatti, explores the nuanced personality of those diabolical creatures. And surprise-surprise, they’re not much different than us. Maibom takes a measured and well-researched view, there’s no sensationalized baloney. She has some gems for sure, like this, “They certainly aren’t incapable of telling right from wrong, making good decisions or experiencing empathy for other people. Instead, they suffer from a host of more mundane problems – such as being overly goal-fixated, fearless and selfish.” Love that, sounds just like me!
My first thought regarding psychopaths tends towards the Hollywood version, and Maibom covers this: they “steal, lie and cheat, and have no respect for other people, social norms or the law. In some cases, they torture defenseless animals, assault other children or attempt to kill their siblings or parents.” But I knew she would turn the corner and paint a more vivid portrait, that’s parsed and complicated.
The nuance is what grabs me. We’re black-belt Jedi Knights at placing ourselves on pedestals of moral high ground; while looking down our Pinocchio noses at “those other bad people.” The nice way of saying it is we’re unaware of our deficiencies. The sledgehammer version is we’re liars.
Scripture gives us the most comprehensive character study of people. To use modern vernacular, it says we’re flawed, we make mistakes, we can’t control our big mouths:
James 3:7-8
“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”
Your “tongue” is not that bad? Maybe. But are all your FB posts on presidential politics filled with Mr. Rogers “won’t you be my neighbor” inspiration? Maybe at 25 yrs old, you haven’t discovered the reality of your flaws, but I bet you’re starting to notice some stuff. By 40? If you don’t know the deep cracks in your armor, the tequila has pickled your brain. But we do try to mask it, “I’m not that bad… I pay my taxes… I haven’t killed anyone.” I cover this pride issue in-depth in my book. We kid ourselves by choosing the worst things in the world to compare ourselves: murder, rape, sex trafficking… psychopaths. Well gee, how damn easy is that? It’s tough in our culture to be vulnerable and admit our insecurity, anger, jealousy, apathy and general laziness. Much easier to put on the mask and pretend to have it all together.
Here’s where it gets cool. When you discover your flaws, AND admit them, it’s the most liberating, joyous feeling in the world. There’s nothing else to hide. When we stop trying to be perfect; when we admit to not having the answer during the client meeting; when we don’t have to be right in the conversation; when we place the scary, dark thing out in the light? You won’t martyr yourself with doom and gloom. Not at all, quite the opposite. Oh man, life becomes a big ol’ laugh. The Gifts of Imperfection as Brené Brown claims, will give you some serious hop in your step.
Which is why scripture is not a buzz-kill rule book from a damning, meanie God. It’s real-life stories of fractured people who need God to help them through life. It’s a book where we see our broken selves, and find hope in a God who provides a lifeline of freedom.
See ya next time. ML