I ain’t a bad guy, I just write these little songs
Ray Wylie Hubbard Conversation with the Devil
I always pay my union dues, I don’t stay in the passing lane
And he said, ‘What about all that whiskey and cocaine?’
I said, ‘Well, yeah, but that’s no reason to throw me in hell’
Cause I didn’t use the cocaine to get high,
I just like the way it smells.
If left to my own devices, I’ll find trouble. You give me five good minutes of allowing my mind to drift wherever it pleases, and I can go all Dexter on you in a blink. Hopefully not full-on serial killer like the Michael C. Hall character in the Showtime series. But watch me on 75-Central when someone cuts me off in traffic. Sure-sure, I know, we’re all “good” people deep down… But are we? If you believe scripture is the word of God, it says not so much. In fact, the word used is depravity. Total depravity is used to summarize what the Bible teaches about the spiritual condition of fallen man. In modern vernacular, it means we’re really effed-up at our core, and are damn near clueless about it. Which means we have to be vigilant and on guard, because our thoughts will wander and we’ll look for trouble due to our brokenness… and yep, will be damn near clueless about it until screaming for a life jacket.
Take for example, the story of King David in 2 Samuel. In it you find the famous story of David and Bathsheba. It’s a narrative that shows the duality of men. We can be great leaders or epic jackasses, and often both, like David. A narrative we don’t often hear pertains to Uriah the Hittite. Uriah was Bathsheba’s husband, and one of David’s mighty men. He had a life and a story. I think he gets glossed over because we are drawn to the powerful story of David’s failings and cover up surrounding his affair with Bathsheba.
Our culture is built on the idea of winners, or a favorite is the underdog who against all odds, rises to the top. If he or she is humble, shazam, now we’ve got tears flowing and all kinds of feels. But Uriah is the other side of the coin, when God doesn’t appear to come through. Uriah got screwed over at the highest level, by being loyal to his King he trusted, and by his wife who’s culpable too. The machinations were beyond his control, and his loyalty cost him his life. I imagine if he would’ve lived to see the diabolical maneuverings by David, he would be shaking his mighty fist at God, and likely uttered the Hebrew version of WTF!?
This narrative can be a struggle for us as we hope and wait for the Lord to come through in our various pinches large and small. Uriah is one of those where the rainbow and pot of gold doesn’t appear. When the prayers appear to be unanswered, or they clearly land with an outcome we deem bad. That’s the tough stuff and a non-American narrative. We often point to dreams not working out due to effort: “didn’t deserve them… didn’t work hard enough… made bad decisions…” Did Uriah? Doesn’t sound like it. He was faithful to his King, and got-GOT by forces that had nothing to do with his righteousness. And God allowed it.
I’m reminded of an article years ago, the publication escapes me. It was an atheist debating a Christian, and he stated his disbelief was due to a magazine cover that showed an African woman carrying her dead child in a barren desert. He was angry with God, and made a decision to chuck all this Godsmack, “All he had to do was make it rain, and the child would’ve lived. But he didn’t. What kind of God is that!?” For sure our biggest struggle is the same as the atheist’s. Children die unexpectedly, people struggle and don’t receive any level of relief. Life is unfair a 1000 ways all in one day. In other words, we have to trust a God whose love language is Japanese… and we only speak Russian.
The tension is equally thick in a spectacular read by Dave Eggers called What is the What. It’s the story of the Lost Boys of Sudan. I had similar feelings as the atheist while reading the tough-tough account of how the boys had to escape. While plenty of them made it out — and several ended up employed here in Big D — I struggled to reconcile the fact that many died from dehydration and some from lion attack. And God allowed it.
Years ago before I recognized my own depravity/eff-upped-ness, I thought, “I would NEVER do anything like David,” with nose up in full affront. Then I heard NYC-based Pastor Tim Keller say in a sermon, “As soon you say you would never do anything as bad as David… you’ve taken your first step towards doing it.” Ouch.
As always, scripture validates the reality.
And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
Ephesians 2:1-3
And God allows it. See ya next time. ML