Never trust a man who doesn’t drink.
Winston Churchill
There’s debate whether Churchill actually spoke the line above. In my mind, due to the abundance of pitch-perfect quotes he DID say, why argue over attribution. Churchill was known for three-martini lunches, so the tone of the line fits.
I was reminded of the quote this morning when I read a devotional by John Eldredge titled Until We Are Broken. Not sure what God meant by the timing, but the devotional comes on the heels of me having coffee with a new friend last night. At the end of the inspired conversation, I said, “I enjoyed this greatly. I appreciate your transparency. The older I get, I find myself not listening to men who haven’t failed at a massive level. They don’t know shit about themselves if they haven’t lost big.” I could end this note here and say ditto on everything Eldredge said. Tattoo it somewhere for daily reading. It’s a short read, but packs a wallop, like this below:
I don’t trust a man who hasn’t suffered; I don’t let a man get close to me who hasn’t faced his wound. Think of the posers you know—are they the kind of man you would call at 2:00 A.M., when life is collapsing around you?
I don’t think this is solely a dude thing. I have a friend from high school going through a soul-draining divorce. Each time she thinks she’s hit the bottom of the pain, it turns out to be a false floor, and new revelations from mediation open up another dark hole. But her blogs to her female audience and messages with me, come from a depth only earned from the deepest wounds. She wreaks of faith, clarity and solidity. Is she happy to have this big magic? Not in the slightest, but her salted maturity removes all cheezy piety. She knows the Lord at a level we all desire, man or woman.
My Wound Leads to Strength?
It’s tough to riff further on Eldredge’s post. He said it all, and ends with a link to his home run, Wild at Heart. He has several excellent books, but that one is still his opus in my opinion. It’s known as a man’s book, but is a must for all couples, as it sheds light on how all brokenness in the world stems from original sin.
But I will say what inspires me about the devotional, besides referencing Frederick Buechner, is how when someone nails truth, it pierces our soul. It’s a gut punch that takes our breath away. Not in the bad way, but in a “Damn, that is SO GOOD” kinda recognition. Right? Sure, it’s scary as hell when he says, “it is out of your brokenness that you discover what you have to offer the community.” No, no, no… I just wanna hit the easy button and be catapulted to effectiveness. I don’t want to slog it out, bleed and be taken to the mat. But the inspiration comes from the truth he speaks. We know those people, we feel the weight of the ones with real badges, and sniff out the fakes who haven’t found the end of their resolve. I’ve recently started hearing a certain question differently. I’ll explain a situation where for the umpteenth time I’ve hit a wall on discerning a solution, and a friend will ask, “So what are you going to do?” There’s a tonality to it, as if they think I have one final ace to pull out, like one additional safety net. “Oh you mean, NOW how am I going to fix it!? Why I’m going to resort to plan G, the one I had sitting there from several years ago, ready when the shit really gets bad.” The warriors who’ve been crushed have a different answer. It’s along the lines of “Not sure, other than I’ll try to trust God with His maneuverings. That’s about all I got.”
My friend last night said one of my favorite lines, “God is mysterious… often.” This was in relation to a tough season of life he went through. We ran out of time to discuss the specifics, but I could see it in his eyes, it was one of those dark nights of the soul as St John declared. There was a distance to his glance, him weighing a mystery that didn’t resolve. Like my friend going through the divorce, I could tell his substance came from suffering. Reminded of Isaiah 55:8-9, another tattoo we need:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
See ya next time. ML